


Only Hurts the One I Love

by orphan_account



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angry Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Alex, Dom Alex, Dominant Bottom, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sub Miles, This was supposed to be just smut but ended up being a hopeless love story, Top Miles, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-04-06 21:53:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19071421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Besides being a frontman, occasionally, Alex worked as a bartender in a sex club called Shadow Puppets. One night, a new customer caught his eyes. The surprising encounter turned out to be everything Alex had come to expect, and so much more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So how could I dance with another, when I saw her standing there?"
> 
> The Beatles - I Saw Her Standing There

1.

 

The boy sitting at the corner by himself was new. 

Alex knew it, and possibly the whole club would figure that out in half an hour. He had been working at the bar for months and this was the first new face since April. A nice one indeed, although the mod hair was kind of amusing. Alex’s eyes were fixed on him as the lights dimmed further. He could be around the same age as Alex himself. Slightly slender but probably a bit taller than Alex. Most importantly, he had really long, elegant fingers –

It was hard for Alex to not stare when the new lad kept twirling his beer mug like that. 

He didn’t fit into the atmosphere of the club at all. If Alex remembered it correctly, he came with Jamie Hince, who had disappeared upstairs within the first ten minutes since they got here. Upstairs were for those who at least wanted some privacy, while down here it was the real den of iniquity. Very soon on the side stage, tonight’s performance would begin and by three in the morning, on every flat surface there would be people having sex with each other.

Now it was still early, the club was relatively peaceful. Alex was busy serving drinks to the customers, making smalls talks he didn’t really care much and repeatedly declining the few invitations that kept coming stubbornly. In between, he casted curious glances to where the new boy was sitting. Usually Alex wasn’t the kind who looked for romance in a bar, especially when he worked here. However, something about this boy seemed so strangely intriguing. He simply drew Alex in. Alex noticed that his glass was empty a while ago. It seemed that passing through the couple in front of him was too difficult for the boy when the man was dressed in nothing but underwear and knelt in front of the lady. They were kissing so loudly that people upstairs could probably hear them as well -

Alex couldn’t help but chuckle when the boy recoiled not so subtly as she slapped him on the ass. “Bring me a drink, love.” She mouthed, and then turned to smile at Alex. That was Jane, who always remembered to wish Alex a good night before leaving with her partner. She gave Alex a small wave as Luke, her new sub, crept obediently towards the bar. The boy stared at the man’s motions with a look between uncomfortable and curious, while Alex observed him.

Many people were not allowed to walk. That explained why the floor was so soft. Alex walked out of the bar to pass the man a mojito. The whole process was silent - without her permission, he wasn’t allowed to talk.

When he went back behind the bar, Alex was surprised to find the new man standing right before him, looking like a deer caught in a trap. “Hi.” He said in a strained, nervous voice, hands in pockets. A closer look and he seemed even more familiar to Alex. “Have you seen my friend Jamie? He’s about this high-” 

“Jamie Hince, is that right?” Alex nodded, offering him a smile. “He went upstairs a while ago.”

“Oh, thanks man! I just started to think he’s dumped here. Can you show me the way-”

“Well, I’d advise you not to try finding your friend.” Alex interrupted him kindly. Under the terrible yellow light, the colour of the man’s eyes was like a cup of steaming hot chocolate. Alex liked him even more when the young man finally understood what he meant. His eyes went wide, and a hint of colour hit his cheekbones.

He stuttered, trying his best not to fidget.  “I…I gotta go-”

“Fancy a smoke?”

The man looked at Alex as if Alex just asked him for his left ear or something. But to Alex’s surprise, he nodded. “Ah…sure?” 

He didn’t sound very sure though. Alex’s stomach went pleasantly heavy as the boy began to bite on his knuckles- he certainly had sinful hands. One of the things Alex had got used to eventually was to avoid attachment and simply enjoy himself. In front of him, now the boy seemed to be a perfect choice for tonight. “Give me a minute.” Alex told him. “I’m Mark.”

“Miles.” Answered the new face which was now one of Alex’s favourites. Miles waited impatiently as Alex went to let Andy know he needed a long cigarrete break. He was clearly on the edge of bolting out of here when Alex came back, lighter and pack of tobacco in one hand, two beers in another.

Alex gestured towards the backdoor. “This way.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Miles’ mouth went open like a stunned turtle. He blinked in near panic, looking around, just to be grated with everyone having a blast. Alex could no longer keep the act. He laughed, pointing again at the door with the beer bottles. “Simmer down, man. I’m just kidding. Don’t wanna go through the front door and be interrupting anyone, you know?” 

Miles seemed relieved, quickly following Alex out of the door. The second the door clicked shut behind him, Miles let out a loud groan, grabbing at his own hair in frustration. “Fucking hell, I’m going to kill him!” He hissed, shaking his head dramatically. “Should’ve never agreed to this.”

When Alex passed him the beer, Miles took it gratefully. His scouse accent came out even more when he had a few gulps. “Thanks, la. You saved me life.”

His choice of words amused Alex. “Really? More like I nearly scarred you for life.”

“Nah, I was stressed, alright? And that was a bad joke…” He paused suddenly as Alex licked the cigarette paper. The back of the club connected to a dark, unnamed alley. Miles quickly looked down at his feet, hiding his face from Alex’s gaze. “Anyway. It’s not like I’m against those kinds of things-” 

“I know. You’re not the first first-timer I’ve seen.”

Miles smirked, started to roll his own cigarrete. “So, this’s part of your job too? Taking care of people?”

“No…not really.” Alex offered him the lighter as well. “It’s just you.”

Miles made a small noise. He almost choked on his first drag, coughing uncontrollably as Alex added, “It’s not like people wear Beatles shirts to this kind of club very often.”

They burst out into laughter together. Miles argued that it was _a boss shirt_ and Alex had to agree, just because The Beatles was one of his favourite bands as well. Thirty minutes later, Alex found himself having the third smoke of tonight with Miles laughing and joking by his side. It felt like they had known each other for years. Miles wasn’t the closed off type at all. Alex now knew he was here because Jamie just broke up with Kate and Miles offered him his company. He was only in London for a gig on Saturday night. Miles played guitar in that band called _The Little Flames._  

“Fuck, no way.” Alex muttered, looking at him up and down. “Did you newly get a haircut or something?”

“Yeah. How’d you know?” Miles frowned. One side of his brow was slightly higher than the other when he did so, and it was stupidly endearing. Alex huffed in disbelief, combing a hand through his fringe while staring at Miles’ face.

“I saw you guys playing on MTV the other day. Just contacted Eva for a few co-front shows and she said she’d get back to me early next week. You had that hair-” Alex drew a half circle in air. “The mushroom cut!”

Miles shouted in hysterics, nudging Alex playfully in the ribs. “Hey, it didn’t look that horrible!”

“You said that.” Alex’s smile dropped when Miles called him Mark. He corrected it. “It’s actually Alex.”

“What?”

“Me real name.” Alex shrugged. “Mark was just used for work.”

Miles made a funny face, snorting. He didn’t seem offended at all by Alex’s little lie, and Alex just decided he liked Miles, for real. “You had a chance to get a code name but settled down with Mark? Seriously? What’s wrong with you, mate!” 

“Was going to use the Martini Police.”

“Nah, Alex sounds better. I quite like this one.” Miles flashed him a huge smile that instantly triggered something inside Alex’s head. He could feel his thoughts again drifting away to the dark place when Miles kept going on and on about whatever came to his mind. His lips were thin and ever so slightly curved upwards in a charming way even when he wasn’t smiling. Alex had tried to fight the ideas off once he genuinely found Miles to be a lovely lad and someone he’d meet in his other job, but Miles wasn’t making it very easy when he licked those lips wet, tongue caught between his teeth for just a bit too long for Alex to not stare. 

“Alex?” Miles’ head tilted to the side as Alex slowly stepped back.  _Just this once._ Alex told himself. Miles was now his new friend and he saw what Miles was like back in the club. He couldn’t scare Miles away right now.

“Come over here, Miles.” He said quietly. At first Miles didn’t quite realize Alex was doing it on purpose. He seemed quite confused, and Alex waited. He was almost certain that Miles would just break his twisted secret fantasy by starting to ask questions. After all, Miles was loud and always seemed to have something to say- 

Alex’s head went blank when Miles simply shut up and walked towards him. He stopped right in front of Alex, leaving only a tiny distance in between them. Alex was standing on a step, which gave him a few extra inches and he had to cast his sight down to look at Miles in the eyes.

“You’ll come and watch us on Saturday, right?” Miles whispered. It was unnecessary for him to be this quiet, but Alex must have somehow given it away that he liked it because Miles kept his voice low. He changed the subject abruptly after Alex nodded his reply. “Why’d you take me back here?” 

Alex’s breath caught in his throat. “You looked familiar.”

The corner of his mouth lifted a bit. “And?”

 _Miles had no idea what he was getting himself into._ Alex closed his eyes briefly, struggling to keep his senses. There was no way that Miles would stay once he knew about how Alex fantasized him. There was no need to screw up a good friendship from the beginning –

“Al,” Miles shortened his name. The nickname destroyed the last bit of Alex’s self-control as he told himself he’d rather had Miles than having Miles as a friend. To make it worse, Miles let out a shaky breath and asked Alex, and that was one hell of a question he chose. The way he worded them was like he could read Alex’s mind. “What do you want me to do, Al?”

With that, Alex held Miles head in both palms and leaned in to kiss him. His teeth arrived first, catching Miles’ thin top lip and pulled just slightly too hard to make it painful. Miles gasped, hissing as Alex basically gnawed his lips. His ears became warm to the touch when Alex’s tongue danced over his. “Don’t move.” Alex instructed when Miles tried to take the control, fighting back when Alex’s demanding kiss turned almost torturing. Miles whined as the words left Alex’s mouth. One of his hand shot up to grip at Alex’s wrist while the other rested on Alex’s hip.

Alex told him while holding the eye contact. “Say stop and we will.”

Alex’s fingers started to caress his sculp idly. Miles leaned into his touch, lashes trembling when his eyes shut. He was nearly having some trouble breathing. “To be honest, I don’t know what we are doing here.” He murmured breathlessly. But when Alex tried to pull away, Miles held his hand in place with his ridiculously long fingers. His eyes blinked open, a mixture of fear, curiosity and lust were clear for Alex to see. “You can teach me.”

That one hit Alex real hard. He felt the sparkle burning down from the back of his neck to the tip of his fingers. “Yeah, that’s right…” Alex came closer once again, his words blurred as his lips came in touch with Miles’. He felt the other boy shuddered against him and Alex smiled, feeling slightly dizzy. 

“You’ll be a good student for me, won’t you Miles?”

_The game was on._

 

+TBC+ 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm so ready and willing and able it's untrue"
> 
> Pulp - Seductive Barry

2.

Unfortunately, on Saturday night Alex was late for the gig. First the tube broke down, and then the bus he was expecting to come in 15 mins arrived 40 mins later. It’s nearly 9 when he finally pushed open the front door, welcomed by Eva’s low, powerful voice echoing inside the bar.

“This is the last one.” She announced when Alex found himself a hidden spot to the right-hand side of the stage, all the way at the front. It was close to where Miles was standing, who’s busy tuning his guitar. When he looked up from the strings, Alex raised his hand for attention. 

Miles’ gaze was attached to him immediately. A blinding smile lightened his face as Miles winked at Alex, his posture changing from tense to something more assured. During the entire performance, Alex’s eyes was locked on him. Miles only did backing vocal on this song, yet the way he looked down at the audience when the lights hit him would make anyone believe he owned the stage.

For a five minute performance, that was certainly beyond Alex’s expectation.

Once the stage was cleared, Alex walked towards the backstage door to greet the band. “You missed the best part!” Eva rushed out, shaking her finger in fake annoyance when she spotted Alex. “Buy us a drink and you’re forgiven.” 

Alex looked around. His gaze briefly landed on Miles, who’s whispering something to the bassist. Alex had only talked to Eva twice through phone. A round of self-introductions ended with Miles shaking Alex’s hand, as if they had just met for the first time. Miles was all sweaty from the show. Alex had an unexpected impulse of flipping his wet fringe to the side, which surprised himself as they all went to the bar for a drink. 

They decided to stay and see the next band playing. Half way through the show, Alex realized Miles was distant tonight. He chose to stand beside Alex but didn’t bother with a conversation whatsoever. He didn’t even participate much in all the small talks everyone else was having.

“What’s your problem mate, the weed went to your brain or something?” Joe shouted, slapping Miles on the shoulder.

Miles startled, casting a quick glance at Alex out of reflex. “I’ll go for a smoke, wanna join?” Miles gestured towards the side door, the scene being a mirror image of the other night. Alex almost gave them away by laughing out loud.

He followed Miles into the warm, dry air of summer night. It wasn’t fully dark yet, and the last rays of light kissed them both generously. This was somewhat frightening to Alex. These days, he’s more used to the darkness at 3 in the morning. 

Miles did bring cigarettes, yet he didn’t even try to roll himself one as Alex closed the door. “Thought you stood me up.” He scratched the back of his head. The cold, indifferent expression vanished as Miles turned back to face Alex.

“Thought you changed your mind.” Alex mimicked the smile Miles offered. He leaned back against the wall, letting the taller boy tower over him. “Sorry I was late. The traffic was a state, man. I don-” 

His explanation was rudely interrupted by Miles’ lips against his. Miles held onto Alex’s arms, but there was no pressure in his grip. On the contrary, when Alex’s tongue demanded submission, Miles parted his teeth obediently, letting Alex taste the bitterness of alcohol inside his mouth.

“I can’t fucking concentrate in there.” Miles complaint when Alex pulled back to take a breath.

His eagerness made Alex chuckle in delight. “That’s why you were such a wanker tonight?” 

“Me? You were late for almost an hour! I’m mad at you!” Miles declared with a funny high-pitched voice that mashed into giggles at the end. His pupils were dilated slightly, and when he looked at Alex’s face, his stare was _nothing but subtle._  

“Let’s get out of here, Al.” Miles suggested. Somehow, he just knew what to add to get Alex going. “Please?” 

 

+ 

Alex shared a small flat with Matt in East London. 

Usually, Alex wouldn’t take anyone back home even with Matt being away. But then again, he usually wouldn’t find himself talking with them in the back seats about guitars, songs and music in general. With Miles, a random hotel room just didn’t seem appealing to Alex. He couldn’t wipe the silly smile off his own face when Miles got overexcited and started to do the air guitar thing. Near the end of the ride they were playing their imaginary guitars together to the radio, which seemed to really traumatize the taxi driver. This poor man dumped them and instantly drove away without even a goodbye, probably thinking they were off their heads.                                     

Miles was glued to Alex’s sketch pad as soon as they entered the living room. Normally, Alex would kick them out without a second thought if anyone tried to touch his drafts without permission. But he had noticed Miles deliberately making his intention obvious. He didn’t go for the pages, only studying Alex’s handwritings on the cover. 

Miles read, “A. Turner.” His fingertips slowly traced the ink. The touched seemed to go straight to Alex’s spine.

“I’d invite you here for a tea next time, Miles.” Alex said, walking over to where Miles was sitting on the floor and put a hand through his hair. Miles immediately dropped the pad he was holding.

“Do I have to call you something like…Master?” Miles chuckled with his eyes closed. “I’m gonna tell you now-I really can’t. I’ll be laughing till morning.” 

Alex patted his cheek amusingly. “I’d probably end up the same if you do that. But … I’m not against you addressing me as _Sir_ if you can manage.”

Miles’ eyes opened wide when Alex’s hand came to rest on his throat. He didn’t move an inch while Alex’s fingers thoroughly mapped the delicate skin of his neck. Alex was amazed by how little effort he needed to put into this. “Often people make…other types of assumptions about me.” Alex admitted. His touches became more purposeful this time, and Miles just stared up at him as if Alex had casted some kind of spell on him. “Tell me, Miles. How’d you know?” 

Miles gave him a complacent wink. “I saw you looking at me. You’ve got the face…I don’t know, I just took a wild guess.” Miles blinked with a small frown, voice cracking slightly. “It did surprise me a bit at first.”

“You decided to come with me nonetheless.” Alex nodded at him. Just out of curiosity, he asked, “Have you ever been with a guy before?”

Miles’ ears turned pink, and that’s enough for Alex to know.

He was truly taken back by the answer. “Aren’t you a brave one, Miles? See, you figured which role I’m into. You’ve got no experience in what we do in the club, no experience of this even-” Alex sunk down onto his knees as well, tilting his body forward to press his lips against Miles’s draw. “It got you all nervous tonight, huh? Did you expect me to beat that ass purple and tear into you until you scream?”

Alex grabbed his hair and pulled with just the right amount of force, making Miles hiss in pain. For a moment, a glint of fear surfaced in those dark chocolaty eyes and Alex smiled approvingly when Miles didn’t just back off. His recklessness made Alex’s mind boiling- despite all the possible false presumptions, still here Miles was, under Alex’s hand, all pliant and trusting. 

It was stupid of him to do so.  _Stupid but endearing all at once._

“Relax.” Alex instructed. “Come with me.” 

Miles looked utterly perplexed, but he did what he was told. Alex guided him into the bedroom, leaving the light off as they moved in silence. Miles was breathing heavily, his fingers stiff and slippery in Alex’s hand. 

Alex let him knock into the edge of the bed and smiled when Miles let out a yelp, almost falling face down. “Ahh, Alex!” He grumbled when he finally realized Alex was laughing silently all the way. “You were bluffing!”

“Well, not exactly,” Alex shoved at him. In the dark Miles lost his balance easily and Alex quickly sank down onto the mattresses, straddling him. “Give me a safe word before I start with you.” 

“I have one ready for you, _Mr. Alex Turner_.” Miles couldn’t stop squirming beneath him with that dorky smile on his face. “I’ve done me readings.” 

Alex laughed properly when Miles told him it was “Beatle”. He was hyperaware that despite being nervous, _Miles was very comfortable around him_. Even with all the warming up they just did, Miles showed no less resolution. For a brief moment, Alex almost felt jealousy for someone being this _self-assured._  

He was just waiting for the right time to kickstart when Miles stretched out his hand to poke at Alex’s left knee. “It tickles.” Said Miles. Still laughing. He was referring to Alex’s bony knee which had been digging at his hip. _Now was so right._ Alex promptly snatched at those soft, long fingers and squeezed them off fiercely.

He whispered to Miles’ stunned face. “Have I told you that you can touch?”

In a snap, Miles stilled. _“No,”_ He was almost too good for a rookie. _“I’m sorry…Sir.”_  

The vicious grip turned into a sweet caress. “Good.” Alex phrased, freeing Miles’ hand. “Now I want you to hold onto the slats. I don’t think there’s need for real ropes tonight. You will behave for me, right Miles?” 

“Yes.” Miles breathed out his answer. He looked so good, stretching out in Alex’s bed. Alex almost regretted not turning on the light. He wanted to see this clearly. In the darkened room, every touch became a bit of a surprise. Miles responded to him in a way so willing that it seemed untrue. Alex started from his collar bone and wandered down to the waist. Miles made a chocking sound when Alex palmed his hardened cock through the trousers, upper body coming off from the mattress.

 _He didn’t loosen the grip on the bedhead frame._ The realization pumped a shot of excitement into Alex’ veins, seeing Miles trying hard to obey his orders. 

And Miles was _loud._ The sound he made when Alex licked the head of his cock should be illegal. His hip rocked up uncontrollably when Alex sucked more of him in, tongue teasing the slit mercilessly. “Oh fuck, sorry-ah, Al-” Miles whimpered when Alex chocked slightly (It had been a while since last time he had a cock in his mouth). He fell back down onto the bed, trembling and out of breath, hands still wrapped tightly around the metal bars. Alex’s stomach churned with desire and a sudden wave of adoration. He pulled down his own zipper, one hand touching himself and the other to pin Miles down.

“Tell me what you want, Miles.” He panted, stroking himself hard and fast. Underneath him Miles shuddered, voice hoarse and broken.

“Wan-want you to touch me.” His plea was barely understandable. It would be easy for him to just forget about Alex’ requirement and get himself off. But Miles didn’t. He only begged again, more desperately this time. “Want you to make me come.”

Alex moaned, grinding forward to give Miles what he wanted. He chuckled darkly when Miles groaned, rocking up to meet his touch. Alex flipped his wrist to rub the sensitive head once again, and then got onto his knees, sliding a bit further forward and down, getting Miles’ cock to press against his perineum. “You feel so good-bet you feel even better inside me. Do you want that, Miles? You wanna fuck me?”

Miles answered with a sobbing cry. In Alex’s hand he was wet and warm and throbbing. “Please, Alex please-”

He came right after Alex’s permission, shouting and tossing, shooting his load in between Alex’s buttocks. The idea of it coming out from his hole pushed Alex over the edge. He bit on his bottom lips as the pleasure shot through his body. Miles hummed in content when Alex covered his stomach with cum. He was still shaking when Alex sank down beside him, gently peeling his fingers off the slats. 

Both of his hands were warm to the touch.

Alex frowned. “I’ll turn on the light now, okay?” He waited until Miles nodded and kept the lamp dim. Miles searched for him right after he got used to the light. He looked dazed, face red and so were his eyes. Alex slowly fetched Miles’ wrists. The skin on the inside of his hands were angry-looking from gripping the metal bars too hard.

The unexpected marks did funny things to Alex. He’d _blush_ if he wasn’t still flushed from earlier.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex rubbed the reddened skin. Miles rolled his eyes at him tiredly, turning onto his side.

“It’s not like I noticed. I was busy getting me mind blown,” Miles smirked weakly, half back to his cocky self. “And something else, too.”

Alex couldn’t help his smile. “You did great.” He added firmly, getting back to bed and allow Miles to cling onto him. It wasn’t the most comfortable embrace, with all the sweat, cum and heat covering his body. But right now, Alex thought it was best to just let Miles hold him. They could always shower _later._

“…guess I better tie you up properly next time.” He murmured, only partly joking. Miles simply laughed. The vibration of his chest was delivered straight to the inside of Alex’s ribcage.

Alex decided he’d take that as a _yes._

 

_+TBC+_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my poor attempt for smut wasn't too bad. It took me forever to write this I don't know why Lmao


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take me now, baby, here as I am"
> 
>  
> 
> Patti Smith - Because The Night

3. 

“Spill it already!” Cheered Matt as Alex poured them the third tea of the day. He was just back from San Sabastian this morning. Clearly, the sunshine there treated him well and Matt was chuffed with his vacation, so much so that he couldn’t even wait till tomorrow to bug Alex to death.

Alex shoved the cup into his waiting hand, giving his friend a questioning brow. “Don’t know what you’re on about, Matthew.” 

Matt raised his cup to Alex’s face. Before he could say anything, Alex’s phone decided to buzz at the exact moment. _Of course, it was a text from Miles_. Miles went back home on Monday. Since then, Alex had pretty much been attached to his phone. He smiled at the short message.

- _This place sucks. Only got movies that you or me grandma would like x_

_-Bugger off._

When Alex finished typing his reply, he found Matt squinting with his mouth twitched, half closed. “Hah! Got ya! You’ve been secretly seeing someone, you arse!”

Alex almost chocked on his tea. He threw himself on the sofa as well, lips curling up in amusement. To be fair, Matt wasn’t too off-target, but it still sounded funny hearing him say that. “Guess again.”

His attitude had Matt frown in surprise. “Eh,” Matt blinked, sitting up straight. “Who are you talking to then?”

“Miles Kane.” Alex shrugged. The name rolled off his tongue easily. Their night-time “lectures” didn’t seem to interfere their daytime friendship all that much. Alex wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or not. “You remember we were talking about playing with the other band? He’s the guitarist.”

Matt nodded. “Right, so this was about music…” He almost looked disappointed for some reason. “It’s just that you seem really happy.”

Suddenly, Alex realized where this was heading. It had been nearly a year since they touched on Alex’s _messed up relationship issue_ again and he almost forgot sometimes Matt could push a bit too far. “I’m in a good mood.” Alex grumbled, trying to avoid the rest of the talk by heading back to the kitchen.

However, Matt’s words followed him. “I’ll stop mithering you, Al!” He could hear Matt getting up and walking to his room. “No need to get a monk on.” 

 _Too late._ When Alex returned to his own bedroom, he couldn’t help but stare at the few marks on the wall, left by an old photo frame. Sometimes Alex still wondered where she was right now, what she’s up to.  _But that was none of his business, hadn’t been for a while._

Alex lied down on his unmade bed. The ceiling looked too white and empty. He wasn’t petty about the breakup anymore, but he got phantom agony bursting in his chest if he’s not careful enough. It had just occurred to Alex that the past week had been good for him. He almost forgot how disconnected and lonely he used to feel in this room. 

_His phone buzzed again._

It took Alex a lot of courage to ignore the unsettling feeling in his stomach. But once he casted a glance at the screen, his mind was successfully guided to elsewhere.

 

+

The tour started on a Wednesday in Glasgow. The two bands assembled a day earlier just to hang out. They were quite a gang walking down the street. Miles and Alex were tugged at the tail, their shoulders touching constantly as Miles had been bouncy since they met at the guest house.

“Ey up,” Alex laughed when Miles almost hit a light pole, putting his hand on Miles’ shoulder to wheel him to the other side of the pavement. “You’ll break something very soon if you keep walking like that.”

“I just can’t wait to play.” Miles shook his head dramatically, and suddenly leaned over to Alex. “And it’s been fucking long, Al…so good to see you again.”

Fortunately, Jamie chimed in before Alex could potentially ruin the moment by not knowing what to say because for fuck sake, _it’d been only two weeks since they had each other’s company. It’s not like they were in a bloody relationship._

“Should we head back?” Jamie yelled at them both, pointing up to the sky. “Looks like we’d get soaked in minutes.”

Just as the words were out of his mouth, a drop of rain fell right onto the tip of Alex’s nose. 

They ended up racing back to the guest house, screaming and laughing like a bunch of school kids. Miles was a surprisingly good runner despite being so skinny. He almost reached the front door at the same time with Matt, while the rest of the group tagged for more than a hundred meters.

Alex found him like that, panting and smiling in the rain. Miles paused his conversation with Greg and waved at Alex when he got close. The white Fred Perry shirt Miles was wearing turned almost see-through. The shirt was nicely fitting, too. Therefore, Alex could easily see his nipples peaking under the thin material.

Miles caught him staring. His expression could not have been any smugger. “Seeing anything you like, _Sir?_ ” 

Without the stupid racing game, the whisper could have made Alex just as red. Alex looked darkly at Miles, warning him without actual words. Miles smirked, stepping back to lead Alex into the yard.

He was the last one to arrive. Jamie made a mock of Alex cheerfully as everyone gathered at the reception.

“Drinks are on you tonight!”

“He’s paying with our money anyway. Get more creative, Jamie!” Andy joined him. They started joking about “punishment”, while Alex’s mind simply wandered and easily drifted to Miles, who was just a few inches away beside him. It didn’t help when Miles kept giving him meaningful smiles. Alex was barely paying any attention when they counted the rooms in the guest house. There were six bedrooms, three of them having a double bed.

“You sure about sharing the room with me?” Matt winked at him. 

At first Alex didn’t get it. “I got used to you stealing all the covers 15 years ago.” He was suddenly aware that Matt was looking at him for a bit too long. “What?”

“Miles!” Matt shouted, still staring at Alex. “Can I swap with you? Alex here, accused me of always stealing his blankets.”

“Sure, mate. Did you, though?” Miles cracked up, agreeing without hesitation. 

He probably couldn’t tell the tension between Alex and Matt. Alex doubted that anyone had noticed. Matt’s answer made everyone laugh except Alex, who knew too well what he was trying to do here.

“Of course not.” Matt replied, the smile on his face too honest to be a joke. “I’ve always wanted what’s best for him.”

 

+

They had a few hours before dinner. To his surprise, Miles threw the question at him the second Alex closed the door. “You and Matt are on good terms, right?”

“Of course.” Alex shrugged. Miles went quiet for a few seconds. He got that face saying he didn’t fully believe Alex’s answer (It seemed that all of a sudden everyone wanted a heart-to-heart session with him for no reason). Alex felt vaguely gratefully when Miles dropped the issue.

“I should thank him for the favour.” Miles smiled tentatively. It turned into a triumphant smirk when Alex smiled back. The wet clothes felt heavy and cold against his skin, but the discomfort was forgotten as soon as Miles got down on his knees.

He reached for Alex’s belt, a hungry look on his face. “May I?”

Alex closed his eyes, groaning quietly as Miles did nothing but waiting for his command. He nodded once, and that’s all Miles needed. He quickly got rid of the belt and went ahead to pulling down Alex’s zipper.

Alex gasped, drawing in a breath sharply when Miles dropped a kiss below his belly button. His lips were warm against Alex’s cold stomach. Alex' hands found Miles’ damped hair, pulling roughly as Miles went down to kiss his semi-hard cock. It was obvious that Miles had little experience in sucking cock. He couldn’t even control his teeth. However, the pain turned Alex on even more, realizing this was most likely Miles’ _first practice_.  

Alex held Miles’ head firmly in his palms and slowly pulled out of his mouth when Miles chocked and started to gag a little bit. “Sorry,” Miles coughed, blinking away the tears almost coyly. “Er…that’s not very sexy.”

 _On the contrary, that’s unbelievably sexy._ Alex run his thumb over Miles’ flushed face, a strange sense of satisfaction hit him like a full-speed car. “No need to rush.” He instructed in a dreamy whisper, applying pressure to the side of Miles’ face until his mouth opened willingly. “I’ll teach you.” 

He pushed only the tip of his cock back to the welcoming warmth. Miles picked it up scarily fast, licking and sucking the head of Alex’s hardon as if it’s a fucking lollipop. His hands grasped at Alex’s thighs when Alex began to fuck into his mouth, hard and fast. “You like that?” Asked Alex, his voice hoarse and barely audible. Miles hummed in reply, eyes tightly closed. The sound Miles made was obscene. His fingers dug into Alex’s skin, causing vague pain to flame over his skin. Alex grabbed his hair to pull Miles back, feeling he was getting close. “Keep quiet.” He pushed two fingers back into Miles’ mouth when the younger boy got too loud for the paper thin walls' sake. Miles bit down on his fingers instinctively, and it was just the right amount of pain that Alex needed to come all over his face.

He let out a muffed sigh, trembling slightly as the he came down from the high. Miles were still nibbling Alex's fingers, but the touch became more heated and dirtier when his tongue joined in as well.

“Such a good boy for me, Miles.” Alex smoothed his hair idly with his free hand. Miles’ eyes squeezed shut at Alex’s praise. For him Miles was so easy to read, yet every reaction Alex could draw from Miles still excite him no less. “I think It’s only fair that I give you a prize.” 

The shower was probably the only thing that stops others from knowing too much, because Miles just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He grabbed at the edge of the bathtub so hard that his knuckles began to lose colour. Alex would laugh and ask him to relax if he wasn’t too carried away himself.

He was playing a show for Miles, and for now the younger lad was only allowed to watch. 

Alex had two of his fingers, the ones that had just been into Miles’ mouth, circle around the tight ring of muscle of his entrance. He hissed softly when pushing two of them inside himself all at once. His body wasn’t unfamiliar to the intrusion, but having Miles staring at him like this somehow made his hole tightening uncontrollably, clenching his fingers no matter how much Alex tried to relax.

“Alex,” Miles begged, his voice overpowered the splashing sound of water onto the wall.  “Alex, please! Le-let me-”

 Alex reached for his right hand. “Kiss me.” He was pleasantly surprised when Miles complied without further complaint. His arms circled Alex’ waist in a sweet way that’s equally wanton. Alex dropped his forehead onto Miles’ shoulder, speaking the instruction into his burning skin. “I want your finger, just one.”

Miles shivered, hugging him closer. His breath hunched as Miles’ hand joined his, those long, beautiful digits rubbing his ass possessively, then sliding to where Alex’s own fingers were buried deeply inside.

They both moaned as Miles pushed the tip of his middle finger inside. “Ah, fuck,” Miles whispered almost in awe. “You’re so tight.” 

“Shut up and give it to me.” Alex tilted his head and sucked on Miles’ pulse, trying to muffle his own cries. Miles’s finger was impossibly long, more brutal and less experienced. Alex bit down a whimper when Miles hit the right spot inside him. He was still too sensitive right now, but Miles’ ignored cock was hard and heavy against his inner thigh and his body incredibly warm as he fucked Alex with his finger. There was no way for Alex to stop.

“Do-do you like it? ” Asked the little bastard, as if he couldn’t tell from Alex’s reaction. “Alex, please...I need you to touch me. I’ll be good, Al, ah- please-” 

Alex had to kiss Miles on the mouth to silence him when his hand finally circled around Miles’ cock, stroking him hard and demandingly. Soon Miles’ finger was following his lead, fucking into Alex at the same pace. “Miles,” Alex breathed out, heart beating too fast and brain going too slow. He smeared the pre-come with his thumb, and asked, “Come for me.”

Miles cried out, his orgasm more of a prize for Alex than for himself. His finger slid out when Miles came, and Alex immediately replaced it with his own third finger. It was not as good as having Miles inside him, but he managed to come for the second time with Miles’ arms still around him, holding him up and close.

“You okay?” Alex asked after Miles wasn’t shaking like a leaf any more. The water started to get cold now, and he was exhausted in the best way. Alex couldn't wait to lie down properly with Miles breathing evenly beside him.

“Yeah, it’s just…” Miles rubbed his nose against Alex’s collar bone. He let out a tired, content chuckle. Moments like this were rare, when Miles got a bit unsure. “I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?” 

“No,” Alex assured him, kissing the back of his ear gently. “You did perfect, Miles.” 

It’s scary how true that compliment was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote Suede for the lyrics quote on Chap 2 but it was actually Pulp 
> 
> Anyway, every time I update this fic, I'm a step closer to not being able to look Miles' in the eyes at all when I go to see him in August Lmao


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think that you should know that I'm sorry"
> 
> Black Honey - Corrine

4.

Everyone was cheering when they got off stage, pumped with adrenalin and alcohol. Miles was talking to Matt at the far corner of the room. From where Alex was standing, he couldn’t hear a word. However, the big circles Miles’ arms were making in the air told him enough. Matt threw his head back and gave a proper laugh. That’s his genuine smiley face that Alex knew. Miles said something, and then they both turned to look at Alex at the same time.

It was a weird picture to see. Somehow, _Miles won Matt over_ , and Matt simply stopped seeing Miles like some sort of band-aid. Not that Alex needed one, but he knew that all his friends worried. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to be around Miles in the first place, because Miles didn’t know about the _pathetic termination of his last relationship_. He never treated Alex overcautiously, careful to not mentioning this and that-

Alex cracked up for no particular reason. The smell of sweat, beer and dust in this small backstage were weaved into his memory, together with the way Miles smiled at him.

“You guys are going to be big!” Miles swayed forwards, throwing his arms around Alex’ shoulder and lowered his head to drink from the glass Alex was holding. “What a show, Al. You're fucking great!”

It fed Alex’s ego in the right way, knowing Miles needed not to say nice things about the band to get into Alex’ pants, but he did anyway. It’s obvious that part of Miles’ open admiration for him was _not sexual._ Even with his body pressed tightly into Alex’s side, Alex could tell he meant it.

“Later,” Alex spoke into his ear. “You’re gonna teach me how to play the last song.”

“I know! That one’s a banger.” Miles lowered as voice so that the rest was only for Alex to hear. “Feels good to teach you something back.”

Miles laughed and run before Alex could ask him to fuck off. When he was left alone, he found Matt standing behind him with a thoughtful pout. Alex gulped down his drink, then sighing. “Don’t tell me I’m about to get an earful.” 

“What for?” Matt looked down to the floor, shaking his head. It was an apology spoken and accepted in their own way when Alex knocked their shoulders together.

Nevertheless, when they stopped in Leeds, Alex still shared a room with Miles.

 

“I like that verse you played yesterday.” Said Alex one afternoon. They were on their way to Manchester for the third show of this tour. Miles got into the same van with the monkeys, sharing the backseats with Alex. He was casually listening to the conversation in the front when Alex mentioned it, and it took Miles a few seconds to react.

He was happy at first, and then some shyness seeping through his cocky smile. “Do you now?”

“Yeah. And I just came out with this idea in the same shape.” Alex wrote in the air with his index finger. After five minutes of whispering to each other, he blurted out they should probably write this down for real.

By the end of the day before the Little Flames came on stage to play, they had a decent demo of a song which sounded a bit like _Scott Walker._ That was a newfound love for Alex when Miles played his songs to him a few days ago.

Alex stayed for the whole set on the side of the stage.

“You lit up with a mic in front of you, Miles.” Alex voiced his new finding amusingly.

Miles scratched his draw, a bit flustered. “I can’t sing in tune properly, unfortunately. But I can’t help it, la, I’ve got a hard on for being a frontman.” Quickly looking around to see if someone paid them any attention, Miles quietly added, “I get the hots for a good frontman, too.”

It was that easy- he managed to take away the stage fright stirring in Alex’s stomach and replaced it with another type of anticipation. There was still half an hour before he needed to be on stage. Miles didn’t need him to say anything. He followed Alex to the loo and quickly locked the door. The second the lock clicked on, Alex was tearing at his neck with his teeth, leaving marks that were definitely gonna be there for _days._

“Ah,” Miles buried his fingers into Alex’s long hair, loosely holding a few strands. “…missed you.” 

How absurd, for they literally saw each other every day, yet Alex understood what he was saying instantly. There was always a potent before they started to play this game. It looked like Alex usually initiated the play, but in fact it was always something Miles said or done that triggered him, pushing Alex into one direction or another.

Alex kneeled down without a word, loosening Miles’ jeans and eagerly swallowed him until it’s hard for both of them to breath. “Shhh,” Alex let Miles’ fully erected cock popped out of his mouth, slowing getting up to his feet again. Miles stared back at him, dazed, aroused and ready. For a moment, he looked misleading innocent in Alex’s hands. “Just wait.” 

It took Miles a while to understand the order. He whined desperately, trying to change Alex’ mind. “Come on,” He complaint, hips buck thrusting forward uncontrollably. “Please, Al. Don’t-”

“You know what to say if you want me to stop.” Alex warned, stepping back to separate them. His own jeans became a bit too tight for comfort as well, but it was a price he’s willing to pay if Miles was in. 

Miles let out a frustrated groan, face puckering up. He breathed in through his nose deeply, visibly trembling while trying to control himself. Miles shook his head fiercely. “I want to do it.”

Alex smiled his encourage. “Come here, Miles.” He kissed the taller boy on the lips briefly, “No cheating. No touching yourself before I say so. I don’t wanna have to punish you while we are on tour simply because…oh,” Alex paused as the idea occurred to him. “Or we can see how you’d look with a gag. That’s also nice, innit?”

Alex had to force himself to stop talking, otherwise neither of them was getting out of this shabby toilet in time.

 

+

It’s the trivial details that bothered Alex.

He brought Miles’ breakfast on their day off in Sheffield. The monkeys were all staying at their own home. Miles stayed with his band mates in a hostel in city centre, and Alex woke up early in his childhood bed, thinking of him. 

Penny was curious to see Alex getting up this early, wearing the red trousers she brought for him as a Christmas present, the pair that Alex basically never wore out of the house. It was too tight for Alex’ liking, but he was strangely in the mood for it today when opening his wardrobe.

“Look at my boy, a rock and roll star!”

Penny teased him as Alex went into the kitchen. Alex huffed his protests and started to adjust the tail of the shirt, hiding his blush. “I’ll be out for breakfast.” Alex told Penny when she asked him which kind of bread he fancied to have. Her brows flied even higher. Alex could hear her humming _I Saw Her Standing There_ when he put on his boots, and he had to flee the house.

The day got even more when ridiculous when Miles showed up in a red T shirt and white jeans, making them accidently match.

Miles greeted him with a smile that showed as many teeth as a person physically could.

“It suits you.” Miles insisted when Alex rolled his eyes and elbowed him away. “Really, you should wear it more.”

“And you should talk less,” Alex passed him the coffee to shut him up. Miles thanked him with a quick kiss on the cheek, one thing that gave Alex goose bumps on the back of his neck. The sun was up and shiny. They weren’t going to have sex anytime soon. It all got a bit too realistic for Alex to play the game carelessly. 

But then again, he had seen Miles hugging and kissing people like it’s just a handshake. Alex was probably just _paranoid._  

“What are you up to for today?” Miles asked him after they finished their breakfast wrap by the fountains in front of the train station. Alex probably had fed a third of his bread to the pigeons just to see Miles laughing like a 5-year-old as the pigeons surrounded them, saying it’s like they were playing a gig for the birds.

“Gotta see a few mates from school.” Alex offered. “You don’t have to tag along, but you guys can join us for dinner later?”

Miles brushed the crumbs off from his knees, in a relaxed, natural manner. There were certain elements in his movement that made Alex fidgeting, as if he was losing control on the situation. “Nah, I’d go with you.”

Alex saw no harm bringing Miles with him to see his old friends. Afterall, he did enjoy Miles’ company. However, the casual decision soon turned into a disaster when they showed up at the park. One of the guys Alex hadn’t seen for maybe three years came up to greet them. “Where have you been, Turner? Look at you!” Before Alex could stop him, the question was already out and heavily floating in the air. “Where’s your girl?”

Miles made a small, confused sound, while Alex’s face turned ghostly white. He no longer craved her, but hearing her name coming out from someone else’s mouth still made him feel like he was spun out from a roller coaster. It didn’t even matter how many times the same things had happened- awkward apologies from his friend, a forced smile and a sudden change of topic. It took him off-guard, every fucking time.

He tasted ashes inside his throat when Miles came by his side, gently tapping him on the shoulder. “Al?” He asked gingerly, and that’s exactly what Alex hated the most. “Do you wanna maybe-”

“Stop it.” Alex snapped, earning him a surprised glance.

Miles’ mouth opened wide when Alex glared at him coldly. “What?” 

“This,” Alex bit on his bottom lip, hugging himself defensively. _All the fun was just spilled._ Now Miles knew, and he’d start to treat Alex like a baby as well. “Don’t look at me like this.”

Miles frowned. For a second, he looked more irritated than anything. “Don’t know what you are on about.” He muttered, rubbing his face roughly. The corner of his lips dropped down in a sulky pout as his draw clenched.“But I can go if you want.”

At that moment, Alex wasn’t really _thinking_. He just wanted Miles to be gone so he wouldn’t see more of Alex in this state: hurt and pathetically under the control of someone he had long lost. Out of impulse, he agreed harshly, “Yeah, you can.” 

Miles blinked at him, the grim face of his vanished and suddenly Miles seemed so lost. His eyes fled first, and then himself. “Fine…have fun then.” 

_Alex regretted it even before Miles left his sight._

“Alex!” Someone yelled, and in his head the sound echoed endlessly but never reached him. He was tempted to run after Miles, but then the situation suddenly seemed a bit _too familiar_ for him to take. He just had a stupid fight and if that was with Matt, Alex wouldn’t even think about sorting things out immediately. He preferred to wait until thing cooled down, the tension dissipated.  Wasn’t Miles his mate? Alex could always make amends later-

 _They were not in a bloody relationship._ Alex reminded himself.

He decided to stay, yet the day disappeared all in a blur, leaving nothing but a heavy sense of guilt in his stomach. _So much for having fun._ Alex was relieved when he finally said the goodbyes. 15 mins later after the time he had promised, Alex anxiously stepped inside his favorite Indian restaurant, dying to have a word with Miles. _Sorry I’m late again._ He’d say that to the whole table while looking right into Miles’ eyes, letting him know that he was genuinely sorry for being a miserable bastard-

“Where’s Miles? He told us he’s with you.” Eva’s question dragged Alex back to reality.

Alex froze. He’s vaguely aware that Joe gestured him to sit down, reasoning that Miles sometimes just got lost in doing nothing and there was absolutely no need to worry- 

“I...I need to go.” He muttered, staggering back and almost knocked over a sculpture on the other table. Matt and Eva both stood up, looking worried and ready to follow him, but Alex was already out of the door before anyone could catch up.

The second his feet got in touch with the pavement, he run.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m gonna fall in love with you someday. I’m gonna fall in love and run away.”
> 
> Angel Olsen – Intern

 

5. 

Around 8, it began to rain.

Alex tried to call Miles for the 6th time in the past two hours, and like the 5 times before, Miles didn’t pick up. Alex had to walk back, his side stinging from running too much. He wasn’t prepared to see the guys walking out of the restaurant just as he was crossing the street and there was Miles at the end, laughing and jumping down the steps freely as if nothing had happened.

Saying he was furious didn’t even cut it.

The familiar bitter self-pity exploded in his chest. For a few second, Alex couldn’t seem to move his legs. Miles spotted him first. The smile on his face wavered when he realized it was Alex standing beside the shadows of the alley. Miles grabbed Matt’s arm to slow him down, enlightening him on Alex’ existence. Clearly, some sort of agreement was quickly achieved as Matt did nothing beyond casting Alex’s a quick glance. It’s hard to say if Alex felt betrayed or relieved when only Miles run towards him.

“Alex,” Miles called after him as Alex headed into the alley that led to the backside of some residential neighbourhood. Miles followed him tightly, as if the situation wasn’t humiliating enough. “Alex, wait!”

A tug on his elbow enraged Alex even more. He turned around on his heels so fast that he knocked into Miles’ chest. They ended up in a clinch against the wall, Alex’s fists clenched around the fabric of Miles’ collar, while Miles’ arms were around his waist, pulling him in closer.

Miles threw his head back and huffed out a short laugh, defiantly. _He knew exactly he was doing to Alex._ “Why are you even pissed? I did exactly what you asked me to do.”

 “I shouldn’t have said that,” Alex spit out his apology as if it was a threat. “…but you could at least pick up your damn phone.” 

“I didn’t have it on me.” 

He had the brass to lie to Alex's face, knowing Alex could literally feel the device in his front pocket when they were pressed into each other like this. Alex loosened one hand and pulled Miles’ hair, forcing him to bare his throat. They both knew this was far from a real physical fight. Miles was semi-hard against his thigh, and this excited Alex to no end, knowing Miles craved him even when Alex was inflicting _pain_.

“You little liar,” Alex hissed. “Stop fucking making excuses.” 

Miles made a grunting sort of noise, forcing his knee in between Alex’ thigh as he rearranged them, basically pulling Alex on top of himself. “So what? You’re gonna punish me?”

He went limp the second Alex’s teeth came in touch with his throat. Alex could tell the exact moment when Miles handed the power over to him fully. He felt Miles’ wanton groans even before hearing them. “I certainly will, Miles.” Alex promised, letting go of him just so Miles could read his mind, knowing Alex was not joking. “Since that’s what my boy is looking for.” 

For a few painfully long seconds, Miles gave him reticence. It was a rare trait on Miles Kane, which made Alex feel like he somehow stepped over an invisible line. But then Miles slowly let out the breath he was holding, his gaze falling down and into the tight space between their chests. The rain weighed down his fringe and hid his eyes from Alex. 

“That’s right, Alex.” Eventually Miles said, in a nearly provoking manner. “ _Take it away_.”

 

+ 

Alex remembered walking the same path with her, who used to come home with him over the weekends, charming his parents with her elegant style and laid-back manner. Since the breakup, Alex hadn’t taken anyone back home. Needless to say, it was a strange feeling when Miles trailed after him, their hands barely touching. 

Usually they didn’t start their game unless they had some privacy. Miles always got something to say when they were walking side by side, and it kept the whole thing _lighter, more casual and nothing hurt_. Tonight however, things were different no matter how much Alex hated to recognize it.

The living room was empty when Alex opened the door. Just a few blocks away, his parents were having dinner with their neighbours. Now it’s nearly dark, they could be back at any time. Miles' wet shoes were left by the door next to Alex's. His parents would think Alex simply had invited a friend over.  

“I need you to stay awfully quiet.” Alex said after Miles let the door swing shut with a thump.

Miles’ brows jumped high at the requirement. He frowned, smirking at the same time. “Then you better just find a way make me, Al.” 

 _And Alex did,_ after he had the curtains closed and the door securely locked. Alex turned back to Miles sitting on the edge of his bed in just briefs. Miles was staring at Alex’ stuffed bookcase, deciphering the part of Alex that he wasn’t introduced to yet. Alex had this impulse of covering his eyes. All of a sudden, he was again seized with anger, remembering the bitter taste of guilt in his throat when he thought Miles wasn’t coming because of their argument. How scared he felt just because Miles refused to pick up the bloody phone -

“Eyes on me.” Miles’ mouth opened in surprise when Alex snatched his damp fringe and brutally turned his head back. A pained yelp escaped when Alex shoved two fingers down to his throat.

“We’ll stop… if I decide you’re getting too loud.” Alex cooed, leaning in to lick away the raindrop on Miles’ cheekbone while his fingers pressed on the soft palate, forcing a whine out of Miles. He could feel Miles trying his best to suppress the instinct of biting down, his teeth lightly sinking into Alex’s skin but immediately loosened. “Is this enough to shut you up?” 

His question had Miles moan desperately. Alex started to caress his cheek idly while his other hand kept exploring the inside of Miles’ mouth. Miles gagged a bit when he went too far, and Alex wiped his tears away with a sweet stroke.

“Shhhh…” Alex kissed him briefly and pressed their lips together once again before Miles could say anything. It still felt unreal to Alex, seeing how much Miles was willing to give. He allowed Alex to spread him on the bed, opening his mouth compliantly when Alex took off his belt, shoving it in between his teeth. It really should be a vulnerable position for anybody, yet something in Miles’ eyes told Alex he wasn’t scared to the slightest.

“Ready?” Alex asked him. It irritated yet amused him at the same time when Miles simply bit down harder on the belt. For the first time, it was getting difficult to read Miles’ mind. Alex got rid of his own clothes. He wasn’t in the mood for a long play himself, knowing they didn’t have much time. Miles whimpered lowly, panting through his nose while Alex fetched the lube and condom from the nightstand, deliberating making a mess and dripping the lube all over his stomach. “Look at you, Miles. Is this all for me?” Alex stroked his cock through the briefs, satisfied when Miles nodded frankly, hardening even more in his hand. 

Alex pushed two fingers inside himself and immediately started to part them. “Stay right where you are, Miles.” He ordered quietly, eyes squeezed shut when pushing in a third finger way too early. Miles choked on that makeshift gag when Alex pulled out his fingers, tearing open the condom with unsteady hands. Alex smeared the lube down and coated the thin layer of rubber with more, toying with Miles' balls at the same time, just to enjoy Miles begging wordlessly.

If asking later, Alex wouldn’t admit he made that sound when he finally sunk down on Miles’ cock, taking just the head into his waiting entrance. He was taken by surprise when Miles’ hip shove up, stretching him open and hitting the sweet spot inside him. The sensation had Alex’s legs give out and he was suddenly so full – 

Maybe he did scream a bit. Luckily they were still alone. 

“Al?” Miles struggled to speak his apology. His hands were on Alex’ waist within a second, and the touch was almost _innocent_ for this moment. It made Alex feel stupidly full _somewhere else_ , and the way Miles looked up at him was unbearable. For a moment, he forgot this was supposed to be some sort of punishment. Alex grabbed onto Miles’ hands for support, getting up and then sinking back down again. Miles cried out when he's fully inside Alex again, his head snapped to the side. The belt slid out, falling around his neck. 

“Alex-ah-Al!” Miles cursed loudly. He was shivering all over, trying to stay motionless while Alex ground down on his cock. Miles begged, “Please, please…let me touch you-”

It was another surprise, what he was asking for. Alex stopped his own motions as well when he heard the plea. “Why should I?” He grunted, covering his reaction by clenching around Miles’ cock. They both groaned as Alex pinched Miles’ right nipple, pushing Miles to wriggle up and bury into him more, if that’s even possible. “You asked for punishment, didn’t you? Put your hands down, Miles.”

Alex almost felt disappointed when Miles obeyed, and his touch was gone. _This was how it should be_ – Alex told himself when he went back to eagerly ride Miles’ cock. _It was sex and a game with a nice-looking body. This way everything was on the right track –_

A muffled crack from downstairs - His parents were back. Miles wasn’t even aware that they had company. His eyes widened when Alex picked up both ends of the belt, letting it bite into his neck. “Fuck me.” Alex whispered into his ear, and that’s all the instructions that Miles needed. They were incredibly in tune. Every time Alex sunk down, Miles’ hip drove up and met with his movement, hitting Alex just right. If it weren’t for the sound of pacing and talking in the living room Alex would happily fill the silence with sweet compliments. "Come inside me, Miles, wanna feel you-" 

Miles tugged at the belt, his eyes rolling back as he came silently, all sounds chocked back. 

Alex swallowed back a whimper, wincing slightly when Miles’ cock slipped out of his body, his hole tightening hungrily over the sudden empty feeling. A few strokes and Alex was coming as well. He bent down, biting on Miles’ bottom lip to muffle his own scream.

Miles was barely responsive underneath him. It took him a few minutes to breath normally again. Alex traced the ring of red mark decorating the pale skin of his neck, the touch on the borderline of possessive.

They lied in bed and waited until all the noises in the house were gone. Only the vague sound of rain kept them company. Alex was rubbing small circles onto Miles’ shoulder blade the whole time, and he only realized doing so when Miles shifted and circled his arms around Alex’s waist. 

“Did I-” His voice broke on the first try.

“No, you didn’t.” Alex chuckled, finishing his sentence. Miles always seemed to steal his question. “Quit asking, will you?”

“It’s just-” Miles’ voice was still strained when he spoke again. They’d need some good coverup story tomorrow with such a bruise around his neck. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

What he said amused Alex (confused him even). “Miles, you do realize that I got off on deliberately hurting you, right?”

He felt Miles smiling against his shoulder. “That’s different.” 

They shared a moment of peaceful silence. It could have waited until tomorrow, but Alex decided to say it anyway. “I’m sorry for this morning. I really shouldn’t have said that.”

“This morning? Damn, felt like ages ago!” Miles made a funny noise, shaking his head slightly before lifting it up to look at Alex. “I’m sorry too. I was just trying to get on your nerves earlier, to be honest.”

Alex tittered at his admission. “It’s quite obvious, don’t you think?” 

“Well…do you still love her?”

The question hit Alex like a blow to the face. He sat up, staring at Miles as if he just betrayed him in the worst possible way. “No, of course not.” Alex snapped, heart too sore to care he was repeating the same mistake as earlier. “And it’s none of your business.”

However, this time Miles didn’t turn away. He sat up as well, hugging his knees close to his chest. “Why?” He challenged. Alex wanted anything but to have this conversation, especially _with Miles._ “Because it didn’t end well?” 

“Miles, fucking don’t.” Alex warned him. He was ready to leave the room and turn away himself when Miles suddenly looked down.

He murmured, dropping his head to his knees. “And because you think we are just fuck buddies.”

All the anger escaped from his body when Alex realized what Miles just said. Off the top of his head, Alex was to retort, yet there was nothing to deny. Hadn’t Miles just spoken his mind? It shouldn’t have bothered him this much, seeing Miles squeezing his own wrist so tightly and hid away from Alex, something he’d never done once since the first day they met.

“Miles,” Alex forced himself to say, “I’m so-”

“Don’t say it,” Miles interrupted him. He was still curling up to himself and the posture itself made the inside of Alex’s chest burning painfully. “I kind of figured it out meself this morning, you know? Hell, I was fucking mad at you on me way to the restaurant still. I saw you calling and I just thought, fuck it, let him have some himself.” His voice broke, and the following sobbing sound made Alex’s eyes well up despite himself. _He really fucked up this time._                                         

“Miles-”

“But you’re right.” Suddenly Miles sat up straight, wiping his face frustratedly. “I sat there and Matt asked me what’s going on. I didn’t have an answer for him. Fuck, I just – I don’t know that much about you, Alex. Didn’t even know you had a girlfriend. We never spent much time together other than - this. Or it’s always with the bands when others were around. I’m not even that good of a friend, storming out like that when I knew you were upset -”

When Alex came around, he was already shutting Miles up with a kiss. “Why did you come with me then?” Asked Alex, subconsciously pressing their foreheads together.

Miles chuckled drily, in defeat. “Isn’t it obvious?”

And to that, Alex didn’t have an answer.

 _It was different indeed._ It brought Alex not even a slight taste of joy, knowing he was still in full control and Miles just bared his soul to him without hesitation. He was tempted to lie, but it didn’t feel right when Miles was being nothing but honest.

“I proposed to her. Got the ring and everything and she said to me, ‘really, you are being serious?’, just like that. Apparently, I was too emotionally dependent on her. Thought she loved me back, but I was only flattering myself.” He had to stop and take a breath as the familiar hollow feeling began to climb up, threatening to swallow him again. “It’s not like I still like her or something. It’s just…I don’t feel like losing myself to someone else. Not now, at least.” 

At his confession, Miles’ face puckered with sadness and anger. “Fuck, Al…” He trailed off. “I’m sorry. She's such a-”

“I didn’t want you to know, because every other friend of mine has been treating me like I’m a bloody ticking bomb, you know what I mean? I don’t need you to start acting like that as well.”

“I won’t, alright?” Said Miles almost defensively. He pouted, childishly. “I’d never.”

They somehow ended up lying back down, talking nothing and everything. It must be late, because Alex found his eyelids weighing a thousand pounds. Half asleep, he felt Miles shifting beside him, and then he was reaching for Alex’ hand.

Alex woke back up when Miles suddenly flinched back. “Miles?” In the dark Alex couldn’t see him, but he just _knew._ “What’s wrong?”

“I…” Miles paused for a while. It’s a new thing that only started tonight. “Can I hold you, please?”

It was then Alex realized they were not tangled together as usual like two intertwined vines. Alex rolled over until his back hit against Miles’ chest. Immediately Miles was spooning him. A shaky breath hit on the back of Alex’s neck, and he found _Miles trembling like a scared lamb, which should never have happened after an intense play._ Miles always got a bit emotional and clingy afterwards. A stab of guilt cut into Alex when it occurred to him why Miles only felt like he had to ask this time, because before he thought Alex was _his boyfriend._

He brought Miles’ hands up and kissed each knuckle gently until Miles calmed down. Alex didn’t dare to speak, for the night was luring and his self control was rubbish when Miles was this close.

If he opened his mouth now, he’d admit falling in love again.

 

+TBC+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'll never challenge myself with multi-chapter smut ever again Lmao


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't love anyone, but you are not just anyone. You are not just anyone to me."
> 
> Peter Doherty - I Don't Love Anyone

 6.

 

Alex woke up to an empty room and the sound of Miles laughing from downstairs. 

He was instantly fully awake, jumping out of bed as he heard Penny’s high voice, which usually meant she was extremely pleased. In less than 5 mins, Alex was freshened up and dressed in his normal clothes (no red trousers ever again, for fuck sake). At the dining table, he was welcomed by Miles sitting on the far end of the table, dressed in Alex’s old Stone Roses T-shirt, telling Penny something in a low voice that had her chuckle endlessly.

He put on a big smile as Alex dragged himself into the dining room. “Morning, Al!”

For a moment, Alex simply thought he had gone crazy and dreamed last night up. He slid in the seat beside Miles when Penny went back into the kitchen to make him breakfast. 

“What the hell, Miles?” Alex filched Miles’ coffee cup and took a sip. He couldn’t keep his eyes away from Miles’ throat. Through the open window, bright daylight was casted in, falling on the left side of his lean frame. The bruise had turned into a scary purplish colour, and Miles had it on display openly under the sun.

 A pleasant feeling crept into Alex’s stomach despite everything, and before he knew, he was reaching out a hand to touch the mark.

“Told her it was from a bar fight and me hero, Mr. Alex Turner, arrived right in time to save me arse.” Miles grinned, winking knowingly when Alex’s hand dropped abruptly on the table. Penny put down a full plate in front of Alex, who was busy _blushing_. 

“You alright, love? You look a bit flushed.” She put a hand on Alex’s forehead, then went on to smooth his long hair when she didn’t find him warm. Alex swore Miles was laughing at him behind the coffee cup. He muttered some ridiculous excuse about the heat in the room, relieved when she finally left them alone.

Penny pat the back of his neck before she went for the door. “Take good care of our guest, Alex.”

“Oh madam, I’m sure he will.” Miles mouthed at him mischievously. Alex didn’t smile back. He frowned at how carefree Miles seemed to be. How came he was the only one who was deeply affected by last night, crushed by guilt… _and fear_? 

“Come on, Al.” Said Miles. The light, nonchalant manner disappeared as Miles scratched his neck subconsciously. He continued, almost looking timid. “No need to get all worked up here.”

 “I didn’t.” Alex argued feebly.

Miles read him equally well. He leaned over, assured Alex word by word. “We’re not fighting.” 

“I know.” 

Miles shook his head in annoyance. “You’re not so easy to talk to this morning, you know that as well?”

 _Those untimely jokes_. Alex glared at Miles while the young lad stood up, circling around the table to be right in front of Alex. “Okay, I’m sorry if you feel like shit, Al. But you deserve it, so I’m not going to say something nice to help.” Miles shrugged. His eyes were gentle, although he was technically mocking at Alex. And true to his words, Miles didn’t seem to be angry, or at least he didn’t let it show.

Out of nowhere, Miles asked, “Go on a date with me.”

It took Alex a few seconds to be sure his ears were working properly.

“Er- what?” Alex stuttered, his train of thoughts going straight down to a cliff.

“You don’t have to say yes.” Miles shrugged again once he noticed how uneasy Alex became. The longer Alex stayed quiet, the less confident Miles seemed to be. Eventually, a sad smile tugged his lips up. Miles looked at Alex earnestly, as if to permanently take part of Alex into himself. “Well…I guess that’s a no.”

It was late in the morning, not a horrible time to throw someone out. Alex could just let Miles walk out of the door. They’d still be playing the next few shows together, pretending they were never closer than _friends_. After that, Miles Kane would just be another name that Alex eventually forgot about-

He still remembered vividly last time he was facing such a choice. His brain told him to k _iss her before she got into the cab._ Yet in reality Alex stood in the rain, passively watching the car lights disappearing in the night. It’s how he dealt with things, always. He never seemed to be the fighter in the story. Why this time? When he literally had no promise to keep and no heart to retrieve.

Just as Miles turned away to leave, the image of him from the night before, sad and lost, sitting on bed like a little boy, flashed across Alex’s head. Then there was this Miles from just a few minutes ago, reckless and unafraid as always, asking the most unexpected question ever.

_How could someone be this fucking stupid yet endearing at the same time?_

Alex clasped Miles’ arm tightly, though he was only aware of doing so afterwards. Miles was unprepared for the pluck. He fell back and knocked into Alex’s waiting arms ungracefully, kneecap hitting the edge of the stool. 

Miles hissed in pain, struggling to free himself. “Just give me a bloody answer, Alex!” 

Alex held onto him desperately. “I…I don’t know what to say.” He admitted brokenly. It was probably the first time Alex showed any weakness to Miles since they met. “I’m-” _Scared._ “I’m not ready.”

“God, I fucking hate you.” Miles whimpered when Alex buried his face into the crook of his neck. His protest died down, and he was hugging Alex back. “Let me guess, you’re gonna ask me to wait again.”

“Just say the word if you don’t want to, Miles.” Alex whispered. At this point, he kind of hated himself as well. The decision was made. If Miles safe-worded out the game now, Alex would _let him go._

“Fuck you, Alex.” Miles cursed, fingertips digging into Alex’s shoulder blades painfully. He spitted, more out of hurt than anything else. “You’re not making me the bad guy here.”

It must be some sort of Miracle. Miles _stayed._

 

+

They headed to the venue early. The silence in the cab was killing Alex. Fortunately, sound check started in 20 mins, which meant Matt and Greg were already there handling their gears. Miles walked straight into the dressing room while Alex was left beside the stage. He was anticipating a long, dreadful talk when Matt went up to greet him, but didn’t see the opening question coming so bluntly. 

“Trouble in paradise?” 

If Alex wasn’t so absorbed in his problem with Miles, he’d respond less pathetically. “Please, Matt. Not now.”

“What happened?” Matt pressed. “Alex, you can’t just let things eat away at-" 

“Nothing happened, alright? Why don’t you just leave me alone?” Alex snapped. He felt so childish and unstable, losing his temper under the slightest poke. However, to his rude reaction, Matt simply widened his eyes and laughed.

“You’re feeling guilty.” _Fuck Matt and his ability to see through Alex without breaking a sweat._ Matt kept his voice low when he noticed Miles walking back out. “Impressive handwork, that.” Matt gestured around his own neck right after Miles walked to the back. He was the only one who knew about Alex’s second job. 

Alex’s ears were on fire the second Matt mouthed a silent “yours?” to him, his gaze drilling into Alex’s eyes. It’s not like Matt was accusing him of anything. What Alex was feeling right now was entirely owned to himself.

Nonetheless, he still fled like a proper coward. 

It didn’t help when everyone got here. Alex was supposed to focus on his guitar, yet he glanced up to find Miles staring right back at him. Miles was sitting alone in the corner, looking as miserable as Alex felt. To be honest, he had tried his best to be Alex’s _mate_ , not even avoiding Alex deliberately.

It’s just that Miles was horrible at hiding his emotions. Alex could tell Miles was upset, _and he bloody hated it._

It certainly didn’t help when Miles stood up and went for a never-ending smoking break.

 

+

Alex was secretly grateful that they were performing Sheffield tonight. The sense of home somehow anchored him. Knowing his parents and childhood friends were also in the audience had forced Alex to focus on the show. Just to be extra safe, Alex didn’t go out to watch The Little Flames playing. Nobody was really buying his poor excuses, but by now they all kind of guessed where the problem rooted. Therefore, no questions were asked.

Miles was nowhere to be seen when Alex got onto the stage.

He had to tell himself repeatedly this was for the sake of the show, otherwise the disappointment was too much to bear. 

One downside of playing at home was that everyone seemed to know him. Usually, Alex would be flattered, maybe even a bit terrified, hearing people excitedly talking about their music. But today, as soon as the lights went out, the bubble busted, Alex’s heart went elsewhere. All the friendly chats became another form of torture, and little by little Alex broke under the torment, admitting there was no way he’s able to put Miles off anymore. 

It seemed that now Miles fucking Kane was the only emergency in the whole world and Alex had to find him. Now he looked back, the thing with Miles had been terrifying from day one. Deep down, maybe Alex always knew the power Miles put into his hands were simply an illusion, for the younger boy could bend Alex just as easily. 

He was always in control because Miles _let him._

The realization hit Alex hard as he eventually sneaked out into the bar, trying to find Miles in the crowds. Just this once. Alex urged himself, swearing that this was _the last time_. He wanted Miles to know that he was sorry and the answer was –

Alex stopped dead in his track when his eyes captured Miles, whose back was against the wooden wall across the room. Miles was talking fervently to Tommy, the blond DJ guy, with an empty glass loosely in his left hand. Alex could tell Miles was on the verge of getting smashed just from his posture.

The chat seemed to be pleasant enough to keep him going on and on. Alex didn’t even know why his legs moved on their own, taking him to their place. _They were not dating_. Alex made sure of this himself. He had no right to be jealous -

All his senses burned to ashes when Miles giggled, baring his neck and showed Tommy the bruise from yesterday. His movements got dangerously flirty. The taller lad raised his hand to touch the mark, and that’s when Alex’s hand landed on Miles’ elbow, pulling roughly until Miles was pressed against him. 

“Excuse us, if you don’t mind.” He spoke in a flat tone. Miles blinked in surprise, gasping at Alex’s undeniable grip. Tommy simply looked at them both as if they were the villains of some sort of superhero movies.

“Er…that’s not very nice, Al.” Miles slurred as Alex dragged him upstairs to the restroom. His knees were shaky because of the alcohol, and Alex was as stiff as a loaded bow. 

Miles snorted when he was pushed into the cramped toilet. “Right…so ’s what I’m good for.”

The small grumble sounded harsher than any vicious curses Alex could imagine. “Really? That’s what you think of me?” Alex asked incredulously, aggrieved. All the anger and jealousy deflated, and he was reduced to tears instantly.

Miles crushed face down into his palms. It took him some effort to re-focus his gaze on Alex, but Miles sobered up as soon as he did. He staggered forward clumsily, “No! Fuck. Al, I’m so sorry… don’t know where that came from-" 

His hands paused in the air, a few inches away from Alex’s face. Slowly, as though he was just waking up from a dream, Miles repeated the question that started all. “Why’d you take me here, Alex?”

He appeared to be completely resigned, waiting for an answer. Alex was familiar with the desire of having Miles all to himself. However, this time he was also willing to be Miles’- Handing himself into someone’s hands, which was exactly what he was running away from for so long. Yet here Alex was, ready to take a step forward just so those eyes on him would stop being _so fucking sad._  

“I wanna know if the offer still stands.” Asked Alex. He couldn’t be more honest even if he tried. “And if not I wanna know how to earn it back again.” 

Miles let out a choking sound, his eyes turning glassy as Alex leaned forward and nudged at his trembling hands. “Are you freaking mental? Of course it stands! It always will-”

“Yes.” Alex cut him off firmly. “I’d love to go out with you, Miles.”

Alex’s breath rattled in his throat when Miles dropped down on his knees swiftly. “In this case, Al.” He looked up when Alex’s fingers gathered a few strands of his hair. Miles simply offered, “Have me all you want.”

Miles’ eyelids fell shut as a gesture of _surrender_ , and in that moment Alex knew he’d never have this feeling with another.

“You drive me fucking crazy, Miles.” He traced the bruise on Miles’ neck like a wild cat patrolling its territory. “How dare you, letting someone else touch what’s mine-” 

“Since you didn’t seem to want it all that much,” Miles smirked smugly. He was doing it on purpose, trying to take down Alex’s defence and pushed him further. “Thought you weren’t the jealous type.”

Alex played along happily. It was bless, after all.  How stupid he was, thinking that he could just give Miles up like that? Alex took in a deep breath, swallowing down the emotions boiling at the root of his tongue. They had plenty of time to talk later, all the time in the world.  

All the noises were barely shut out by the thin door, but Alex was too carried away by what’s in his hands. “Aren’t you my naughty boy, Miles.” Alex whispered in a sickeningly sweet tone, gripping at Miles’ chin. “Better put that mouth in use.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn it, getting two dorks together was hard!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The things that we said, our foot out the door. Don't you know we've done this all before?"
> 
> Mini Mansions - Hey Lover

7.

 

“…you weren’t dating him until this Monday?” 

Alex rolled his eyes at Jamie’s snickers. The guest house they stayed in Birmingham had only bunkbeds, which meant Alex was back at sharing a room with his band mates. His friends wouldn’t give a shit about who Alex was with, if it were not for the heartbroken speeches Alex delivered several times in the past year, about love being _blind and dead and not worth the effort._

Everyone was happy to see Alex chewing up his own words. 

“What were you guys doing in the dressing room all this time then?” Andy teased. “You can’t seriously be writing together.”

“We are, unfortunately.” Alex hit back, smirking. The time they had in the dressing room was probably more innocent than anyone could have guessed. Jamie made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust. Either way, he started whistling when Alex’s phone buzzed.

“It’s from Matt, you wanker.” It’s time for sound check, and the van was waiting already. Jamie was singing devastatingly when they went out the door.

 “You should go form your own band! Do it, Juliet! Do it, do-”

Alex threw the empty beer can towards him. “Can you piss off, please?” 

Jamie dodged the can easily. It bounced a few times on the ground, rolling over to the other van that belonged to their friends. Eva immediately turned it into a football, passing it to Joe. They aimed to shoot the bin standing a few meters away. Miles succeeded on the first try, giving a loud shout of triumph while Joe complaint it’s not his turn yet.

“Nah mate, you just have to go and get it.” Miles giggled, pointing a look at Alex. One side of his mouth curved up smugly. “That’s the way to do it.”

Alex cracked a smile himself. He said simply, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Come and join us, Miles.” 

It did feel like a _show-off_ of sorts, when Miles climbed into the back of their van jubilantly, waiting for Alex to sit beside him.

 

+ 

They did go out on the first night back in London. 

It got Alex agitated during the whole trip back, fearing that he might somehow find a way to screw things up. He was envious that Miles appeared to be nothing but chilled, while Alex racked his brains trying to be a decent date. 

He gave up on dressing up simply because Miles was staying over in his flat. But Alex did spend a good 40 minutes “doing research” . Eventually, he settled on a restaurant that’s famous for their fried chicken wings. It also had a nice bar that closed before midnight, meeting Alex’s need perfectly since Miles was not a night person at all.

From the very beginning of the night, everything just felt…off. _Should they stick to talking about 60s pop music, chords and studio stuff? X-men and Batcave?_   _That would be no different to what their chats used to be. Maybe he just went with the flows? But what if he got overexcited on weird, nerdy stuff that no one cared about-_

It came as a shock that before tonight, he had never intentionally wanted Miles to _like him._

Drowned in a sudden outbreak of worry half way through the dinner, Alex was busy fighting off this new anxiety when Miles suddenly grabbed his hand. 

The touch was firm and confident and sure, yet _tender_ in its own ways. 

“You have… soft fingers.” The thought escaped him before he knew. Alex flipped his palm over to squeeze Miles’ hand into his own, feeling his cheek burning up in embarrassment. He was well familiar with every inch of Miles’ body, yet he ended up saying stupid stuff as if they had done nothing but holding hands.

Miles didn’t seem to mind. He waved his fork, casually drawing spirals in the air. “Been told I’m surprisingly flexible as well.”

Alex cracked in amusement despite the lump in his throat. “Giving me ideas now?”

“I’m sure you’ve got plenty.” Miles smiled back. They looked at each other, the light atmosphere slowly died away in the following seconds of silence. Miles’ face puckered in concentration as he tried to find the correct words. “Okay, Al, I hate to say it, but this doesn’t feel right.”

Alex’s heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. He slurred, playing dumb to cover the rising panic. “What you mean?”

“Come on. I don’t like you for…whatever this is.” Miles pouted. He sounded offended, for some reason. “The normal Alex works just fine.”

He repeated in disbelief. “The normal Alex?”

“Yeah. I mean, why are you acting so weird?” Miles dropped his fork and reached for Alex’s other hand. He hummed impatiently before continuing, as if this was some common scene and Alex _should have known better_. “You ordered a bottle of wine that you don’t really like, to start with. And triple chocolate souffle for desert when you always complain about lemon slices being too sweet? And you’re not supposed to talk about wrestling! It’s me job to bore you to death with it.”

Alex slowly let out the breath he was holding. “You got me stuck on the puzzle sometimes, Miles.” He whispered, outing the secret. “Tell me, how do I please you, like you have pleased me?”

Miles chocked on a soft laugh at the Beatles reference. “It’s easy, Alex. You gotta be yourself,” And then he began to sing. “You can be no one else-”

They left the bar even before it’s fully dark, Alex wrapped in Miles’ arms. They giggled all the way back, singing random songs until Alex’s flat had come hobbling into view. The street was quiet and empty. All of a sudden Miles halted, turned around, and pulled Alex towards him until he could press a dry, warm kiss on Alex’s chipped lips.

“I do like you a lot, Al. I thought it’s quite obvious.” Miles’ eyes were serious. “Even including your overcooked eggs.”

Alex managed not to roll his eyes. “I’m never cooking you anything again.” 

“Okay, maybe not your wardrobe.”

“Miles-”

“You gotta believe me on this.” Said Miles, in his happy voice. “Because I fucking love ya, Al.”

The unexpected declaration sunk into Alex’s veins and immediately spread everywhere, making Alex’s head buzzing and spinning. _Was this really  something people could do, falling in love so fast and unafraid of loudly saying so?_  

Lightheaded with amazement at Miles’ bold move, the desire to devour him conquered the fear of losing him. Before Alex knew, he was already kissing Miles brutally right under the streetlight. His heart beat eagerly, loaded with a sudden pulse of gratitude to the younger boy. 

If Miles only knew _“The normal Alex”_ would stop right here and run away.

Alex closed his eyes when they parted. Reluctantly he admitted, “Sometimes it makes me angry how much I want you.”

Miles replied with a tight embrace. “That doesn’t mean you’re weak, you know. I always think it’s quite the opposite.”

“I don’t wanna ruin what we’ve already had.”

“Me neither.” To the words Alex just whispered, Miles agreed with an honest tiny frown. “Sometimes it scares me, too. But I’m willing to take the risk.”

It took a while for Alex to speak again. A void he often used to feel vanished with Miles beside him. “Aren’t you always, Miles?” Alex chuckled, pressed an almost chaste kiss on the back of Miles’ ear. Little by little, the stiffness in his body bled away and he leaned into Miles’ warmth.

“I think my brave boy earned himself a treat.” 

 

+ 

Ideally, they shouldn’t try anything crazy on the night before their gig.

Alex simply couldn’t wait until after. For the past three days Miles stayed in his flat. They were basically doing nothing, just to avoid giving Matt permanent trauma. It seemed that they were already annoying enough though, taking up the couch from morning to night like conjoined babies. Tonight, Matt finally kicked them out, shouting “Get a bloody room, one that I cannot see!” jokingly before slamming the door.

Miles quickly got suspicious when he found Alex weirdly happy about the situation. His speculation was confirmed when Alex called them a taxi, showing the driver the address on his phone without telling Miles where they were going to.

“I thought you were not on shift tonight?” Asked Miles when the cab pulled over across the street of the Shadow Puppets club. The confused glance he gave to Alex shifted into a stunned stare as Alex took out the pink velvet collar from his back pocket.

The fabric felt warm from his body temperature, and surely Miles could feel it too when he hesitantly took it into his hands.

Miles cursed in a low voice, then cracked up, showing the smile _Alex liked the most_. “I didn’t see you going for this kind of colour.”

Alex tilted his head with a grin, satisfying with his own choice. “I know how much you are into… ridiculous stuff.”

Miles looked up, an evil smirk all over his face. “I can’t deny it.” He handed the piece of fabric back. Alex moaned, pleasantly surprised as Miles slowly lowered down his head, silently asking Alex to put it around his neck.

The unhesitant submission lit fire in his stomach. When Miles looked back up to him, mouth slightly ajar, Alex could tell Miles was enjoying this little gift just as much. Before they went into the dim club, Alex gave himself a few more seconds to admire the collar around Miles’ neck. He had tightened it just a bit too much, so it bit into the skin underneath ever so slightly. Miles was obviously showing off just for Alex’s attention. He adjusted the collar again, making Alex’s gaze chase after those fingers. 

“Shall we go in?” Asked Miles impatiently, interrupting Alex’s thoughts. He was licking his upper lip too frequently for Alex to think straight, _that cheeky bastard._

Alex circled his arm around Miles’ waist. “This one says you are mine.”

And Miles happily went with it, as usual. “Can’t deny that either.”

 

+

They drew slightly more attention than Alex was comfortable with, since he worked here, and most customers knew his face. Alex chose to hide in the corner table, them sitting on the same side. “I started working here randomly about half a year ago. Josh, the owner, was a friend of mine. He insisted it’s…therapeutic.” Alex explained.

Miles made a silly sound to that comment. “How’d you even get to know this Josh guy?” 

“Believe it or not, he went to a monkeys’ gig.” Alex smiled at the memory. It was hilarious, thinking back to that night when he first stepped in here. “This place is famous for special performances after 12. You really get your eyes open.”

Miles seemed much better blended in with the collar around his neck and those ridiculously tight jeans. The ends of his hair brushed just above the edge of the velvet. The view encouraged Alex to go for more teasing. Although frankly obscene language was not his speciality, Alex had a special way to arrange words. “You’re a natural performer, Miles...always look so good on stage. Gagging for it, aren't you? ”

Miles froze, eyes widened at the implication. The astonished look on his face immediately brought Alex back to the night they met. However, it hit Alex suddenly as Miles’ cheekbone got tinted with colour. He realized Miles was not frightened by the idea of being watch by strangers. On the contrary, he was  _horribly turned on._

Alex was on the verge of commanding Miles to go upstairs _right now_ , when someone approached them.

“Hi, Alex.” It was Jane again, this time by herself. “How rare, you’ve got company.”

She blinked in surprise when Miles casually offered his name, stretching a hand out for her to shake. “Nice to meet you too, Miles.” Said Jane, and then she was looking at Alex again, clearly amused. “You just don’t play by rules, Turner.”

Alex smiled back. Beside him, Miles gulped. His hand was on Alex’s knee the second she turned away. Miles asked hesitantly, “Is it- do I have to like…wait for your permission or something?”

“You don’t have to.” It still caught Alex by surprise every time seeing how seriously Miles took their game. “But you can, if you want to.”

“You like it when I do,” Miles voiced his discovery smugly. The worried frown turned into a full-on smirk as he pressed close to Alex’s ear. “Permission to get us drinks?”

Alex couldn’t hold back his laugh anymore. 

He didn’t sit back down after Miles went for the bar. Instead, Alex stood by their table and watched Miles passing through the dark room. It had become quite a pleasure, simply landing his eyes on Miles. Maybe there was indeed something weirdly attractive about the boy-

A hand landed on his lower back while Alex was waiting for Miles to come back. He startled, turning back and found Don, the big ginger guy he must have turned down for more than a thousand times, drunk and horny, looking at him up and down as if Alex was a piece of bacon. 

“No.” Alex cut him off before the guy even started. He stepped back, trying to get rid of the hand that stuck to him. He was not working today. One more reason to straightforwardly tell the guy to fuck off. “I’m not interested-”

“Always playing hard to get, you little slut.” Don slurred, his other hand grabbing at Alex’ shoulder. “I’m done with playing, you-” 

“He told you no, man. Which bit of _NO_ you don’t understand?” A cold voice put a full stop to Don’s drunken speech. Alex turned to the left, just to see Miles slapping down the drinks on the table. His face was deadly serious, eyes hard. Don snatched away his hands as Miles put one arm around Alex’s shoulder protectively, stepped forward to shield Alex with his body.

At first, Don simply looked in shock. However, the incredulous glance was replaced by a disgusting sneer when his eyes landed on the collar around Miles’ neck. “Come on, for real? The lady boy got himself a fucking guard dog!”

Alex felt sick when Don laughed again, throwing more disgusting insults to his face. “Tell me, love. How much do you pay for him to wear that stupid thi-”

He didn’t get to finish, because Miles literally shoved his fist into his stinky mouth.

There was a scene of chaos and confusion, before Alex recovered from the initial shock and called for the security team. By the time he managed to peel Miles off Don’s twitching body, the bigger guy was groaning incoherently on the floor, nose bleeding like a tap. Miles himself had taken quite a blow. His left cheek was swollen, and there was a small cut on his chin from Don's ring.

Alex was seething with rage once he saw the damage. However, it’s already too late for him to add on the asshole’s suffering. They were quickly separated from Don by the security team. Miles muttered something plain spiteful, but it didn’t help. Alex was still a bit groggy when they resettled on two bar stools, only vaguely aware that someone brought them new drinks. Miles was shouting heatedly about what a jerk Don was. Behind the bar, Andy and Jack made good audience.

It didn’t take long for them to become the focal point of the whole room, which only made Alex feel worse.

Miles took up the glass and had a sip, wincing when alcohol got in touch with the fresh wounds inside his mouth. The sight added to the humiliation: Alex loathed the fact that he had let it happen. _He should have reacted in a better way, this way the guy would never have a chance to lay a finger on Miles –_

“Al,” Miles noticed his sullen face. “You alright?” 

For a moment or two, Alex couldn’t find any words. Miles looked so worried and caring, as if he was born for the role, to fix Alex’s problems. His frustration and guilt were abruptly twisted into anger when Miles gave his hand a consoling squeeze. Alex snapped with a trembling voice, “I didn’t ask for your bloody help.”  

Miles gave a gasp of surprise as those hurtful words left Alex’s mouth. “What the hell are you on about?” 

Alex’s fingers hooked on the collar and pulled backwards. Miles hissed, gagging on the breath. His eyelids fluttered closed when Alex increased the pressure even more. “I didn't say you can talk back, Miles.” Alex pressured, the threat rolling off his tongue more as a self-defence mechanism than anything. _In his hands this was Miles, who had just stood up for Alex without a blink, playing the fucking hero. Alex didn't need his protection, didn't ask for it-_

Those eyes he adored so much blinked open, staring right back at Alex. To be honest, Alex could not understand why he was suddenly so bloody angry with Miles. But it seemed that Miles knew him better and had already figured out the answer. His face turned ashen with disbelief and _disappointment._

Miles huffed with difficulty. His lips moved soundlessly. _“Beatle.”_

The muscles of Alex’ arm became useless. Instantly, his fingers loosened, and Miles’ hands circled around the collar right afterwards. The thin layer of skin over his knuckles became almost transparent as Miles held the fabric very, very tightly.

It felt like Miles was holding his soul instead. The few seconds stretched into endless stewing, waking Alex from the daze. _What did he just do?_ He thought back helplessly. _Apologize. Fuck, do it before he get up and leave-_

Miles’ fingers spread out, digging deeply into the skin underneath as he sighed out a heavy breath.

He didn’t take off the collar. Neither did he leave Alex behind.

A part of Alex died when Miles silently began to cry.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is the greatest thing that we have. I'm waiting for that feeling. I'm waiting for that feeling, waiting for that feeling to come.”
> 
> Blur - Tender

8.

 

The younger boy tacitly allowed Alex to drag him out through the backdoor. Miles was still sniffing when they ended up at the same place as last time, his face puffy because of all the tears. There was a painful moment, during which Alex failed to find his voice.

Miles flinched when Alex touched his swollen cheek. He violently tried to shake off Alex’s hand. “Get off,” Miles snarled, but at the same time both of his arms stayed motionless on his sides, doing nothing to stop Alex from getting close. “Did you hear me asking for your help?”

Alex recoiled at that choice of words. Apologies got stuck in his throat, instead he desperately shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that, Miles.” Eventually he muttered, feeling guilty as hell. “It’s just- you could have just called the security.”

Clearly it wasn’t the right thing to say, for Miles glared back at him in rage. “Fuck the security - haven’t you heard what he was fucking saying?”

Alex let out a frustrated whimper. “I’d deal with it myself!”

Miles blinked at him, speechless. The boy could be looking quite scary, if were not for the fresh tears gliding down his cheeks. “You think I don’t know that?” Asked Miles angrily. “You think it’s none of my business, just because you could fucking defend yourself?”

 _It felt like arguing with a kid, those kinds of arguments that would make you feel bad for days afterwards._ His thumb brushed over the small cut on Miles’ chin when Miles pulled away from him. It was a tiny cut after all. Alex bet Miles had had worse from a brutal football game. But he just couldn’t stand the sight of it. Before he could stop himself, Alex was shouting back, “He hurt you! That bastard fucking laid his hands on you and I did absolutely nothing, nothing! Can’t you see? I don’t need you to protect me, Miles. I’m the one that’s supposed to-”

He only realized Miles’ lips were against his because of the slight taste of blood. The touch was different than all the kisses they shared before. It was as if their usual roles were switched, and Miles was leading him to somewhere unknown. All the fears were drained from his chest and replaced by a bittersweet tingling. Realization hit him like a dagger straight to the heart.Suddenly Alex knew he got it really, really wrong.

_No wonder Miles was so disappointed in him._

_Hadn’t they passed the step already?_ Alex retreated back every time when he felt treasured, as if Miles had burned him intentionally with love. Miles wasn’t even petty about Alex being an ungrateful prick. After all, it was Alex who came back to him, so naturally this time Miles was expecting him to do _better._

“Just tell me, Alex. Tell me what I’m allowed to do.” Miles put a distance between them again, his shoulders slumping down. The collar bit into his neck like a chain when Miles lowered his head, and he pleaded with a raw, tired voice. “At least give me something to work with here, Alex. Please? I can’t keep things going if you keep shutting me out.”

“I-”Alex choked on a sob, suddenly being closed to tears himself. He told him, “I don’t know.” 

Miles’ expression softened. He once again stepped back and made the distance wider in between them. “Alright.” He compromised. It’s a mystery how they ended up like this, with Miles comforting him when his eyes were still all red. “We can figure it out together later.”

“It’s not alright.” Alex argued stubbornly, surprising them both. “I let you down.”

Miles bit down on his lower lip. He would never admit it. Nonetheless, Alex knew. _Why waiting for later, when he knew the next time might just be the same?_ The truth was leaving his mouth before he knew it. “If I just let you be my hero this time, next time I’ll want you to hold me when I’m feeling down. I’d wake you up when I’m disconnected from everywhere else even at three in the morning. I’ll expect you to understand without me saying things and if not I may get so fucking frustrated and take it all out on you. I’ll hurt you, like what I’ve just done, and I will do it again.”

The night was cold and distant. All of a sudden Alex felt very lonely, even with Miles standing next to him. He was kind of waiting for Miles to lash back, calling him names and accusing him of being selfish and cruel. He was expecting pain, for any scars he gave to Miles now hurt him just as much. However, to his confession, Miles just widened his eyes in what was scarily similar to _happiness._

 “Can you promise you’ll actually call me then? Whenever you need someone to talk to?” Asked Miles hopefully, his tone drenched with unconcealed adoration.

Alex just stared.

“I’ll happily lend you a shoulder to cry on. I don’t mind you calling at any time of the day, and I try my best to understand what’s going on in that head but yeah if I do fail sometimes and you’re whining about it, fine. I can always try harder.” Miles was close to putting on a smile, when his face suddenly fell again. “And I’m sorry I overreacted, Al. I know you’re not me, and you deal with thing differently. I was just too caught in the moment and when I came around, I was already there, you know? I just wanted you to know that I cared. I was hoping that you’d be…never mind. It’s not like - I don’t ever want to pressure you or something. We can take it slowly, as long as you let me -just let me be your whatever you’re fucking comfortable with.”

 _How brave a man could be, unafraid of pain, and unafraid to love?_ Alex looked at him in the eyes, and Miles was plain and open for him to read.

“I envy you sometimes.” Alex whispered. “You gotta be careful what you wish for, Miles.”

Miles challenged back. “Can you just fucking fulfill my wish now?” 

When Miles’ lips were back, the unappealing night became tender. Alex sighed into the kiss. Slowly his hands wandered up and found the clasp hidden at the back of the velvet chain. Miles gasped in surprise when Alex unclasped it and let it fall down onto the ground. “What-”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Alex kissed the question back, silencing Miles in the gentlest way he could think of. He was hoping Miles could taste his apology, knowing there’s no doubt that Alex loved him back. “No need for it anymore.”

 

+ 

Alex’s hands twitched in distress as he picked up the first-aid kit. He grabbed the alcohol wipes sitting at the bottom of the box. “Al, just pass it to me and we can all go to bed.” Miles hummed, heel knocking on the tile impatiently. He was sitting on the edge of the bath tub, both hands holding onto the edge. As soon as Alex walked over to him, Miles’ legs crossed behind his calves and locked him there. 

Miles winced when the wide came in touch with his wound.  “I’m so tired.” He complained lightheartedly, nudging Alex’s palm with his chin. His reaction had Alex flinch, biting the inside of his mouth.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt.” Touching the now less swelled bruise, Alex murmured. The light in the bathroom seemed too ashy and bright, making his eyes sore and blurry.

Miles grinned with his eyes closed, letting Alex put a band-aid on his chin.  “It’s funny how you’d say that.” First he joked, but then the lack of reply from Alex made Miles turned up his eyes. Immediately, he grabbed Alex’s wrists in worry. “Al?” 

“I guess I was flattered in a way.” Alex tried not to blink. It came like an afterthought only, with Miles safe, smiley and docile in his arms. “If you were anyone else, I wouldn’t even be annoyed. I’ll even laugh if Matt got a bloody nose out of this and thank him later. But it's all different with you. Everything's different.”

Miles clung onto him tightly. At this point, it’s hard to tell who was seeking comfort from the touch, maybe they both just needed to lie down. “Yeah, I know.” Miles nodded. Somewhere in those eyes Alex found something to anchor his flooding thoughts. This time Miles did succeed in reading his mind without Alex actually saying anything. Miles answered, “I love you, too.”

 

+

He woke up when the curtains could no longer keep the bright day outside. Alex opened his eyes to Miles still soundly asleep, his nose kissed by a ray of sunshine sneaking inside from the window. The swollen was gone and his cheek was half covered by those sideburns that started to get a bit too long. 

It still gave Alex a sense of exciting joy, just as the first time when he noticed Miles sitting all alone under the dim light. _Was there an anticipation of sorts, when he impulsively asked Miles to come home with him? Could he see Miles sleeping peacefully on his bed even then?_ Whatever the situation was, Alex woke up feeling stupidly happy. He shifted, carefully not to wake Miles up, and glanced around mindlessly. Gliding into his sight were the marks on the wall left by the old photos he used to have, and for the first time in forever, Alex simply found it unsightly.

Maybe he just needed to put on something new.

Alex looked up at the ceiling, remembering how lonely and disconnected this room used to make him feel. It’s unreal how easy Miles had changed that simply by breathing quietly by his side.

“Mornin’.” A sleepy mumble pulled him back to reality. Alex chuckled when Miles tickled him on the side above his hip. He squirmed halfheartedly, not really wanted Miles’ hand off his body.

Matt was out this morning running errands. Finally, they got sometime alone. Alex suggested not so smoothly, “We don’t have to get out of the bed.” 

Miles huffed out a laugh. “Yeah we do. We’re supposed to have a late lunch with everyone else, remember?” 

Alex groaned, remembering it was his own idea as they rounded up this tour today. Alex rolled over to kiss the mocking smile off Miles’ face. In less than 5 mins he was lying on top of him, with Miles’ hands on his butt, holding him in place.

Miles made a small protest when Alex began to bite on his earlobe. “Al,” He panted, one hand moving up along Alex’s spine and rested under his shoulder blade. “Al…wait. Can we-eh- try something else maybe?”

He almost sounded a bit embarrassed, and that did stop Alex from going in any further. Alex pulled away and rested on the elbows, looking down at Miles. “What, getting tired of me already?” 

Miles rolled his eyes, giving him an unsubtle squeeze on the ass. “Yeah, I got so fed with sex ‘cause we haven’t shagged in like a week.”

“And whose fault is that?” Alex poked him on the chest. “Matt drums on the bloody wall the second I lay my hands on you.”

 “That means you take half of the blame at least,” Miles wrapped Alex’s index finger in his hand and moved it up, until he could suck the digit into his mouth. Alex growled lowly, ducking down and quickly started to drop brutal kisses along his jaw line.

“So…what’s the wish, Miles?” He whispered, wasn’t really expecting Miles to get all flushed underneath him. This was _Miles fucking Kane_ , Mr. Shameless in bed, who was all of a sudden uptight and blushing, for some reason. 

Miles stuttered. “Is it okay if we just…do it like… in a normal way?”

Alex couldn’t help but frown a bit. “What do you mean by that?”

“Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy you bossing me around, Al. Nothing compares to what we have, really. It’s just today. I- I don’t feel like going for a...” Miles trailed off, darting his gaze away, looking anywhere but Alex. Alex could feel him getting tense, muscles locked up anxiously. In Alex’s ideal, this shouldn’t have happened. _If Miles decided he didn’t want to play anything intense today, he’d tell Alex straight away without hesitation._

It felt like he had failed an important task here, when Miles asked him so gingerly as if he’s worried Alex would _deny him._

He gently brushed away the fringes over Miles’ eyes. “I’m up for anything you want, Miles.” Alex assured him. He’d save _the conversation_ for later. “Now come here and kiss me.” 

Miles did. He still followed Alex’s instruction religiously. But there was no rush in his motion. Miles kissed him deep and tenderly, tongue exploring Alex’s mouth like he’s memorizing every inch. It wasn’t foreign for Alex, making love to someone as if they had all the time in the world. However, with Miles this was a _first time._ He groaned quietly when Miles’ hand slid under his T-shirt. The calluses on his fingertips made a pleasant tingling travel all the way down Alex’s spine. 

It didn’t take long for Alex to get fully hard in his sleepwear, simply from Miles kissing him slowly.

It took him three tries to open the drawer and grab the lube and condom, for Miles’ arms couldn’t stay off his waist. Alex chuckled and shook the hair out of the way, batting his distracting hands away. “Come on, Miles. Want you inside me.” 

It’s unusual for him to be this blunt, but it paid off when Miles gasp and sat up, pupils blown out by lust. “Will you do me the honor,” Alex let out a frustrated grunt when Miles’ fingers rubbed against his opening, teasing mercilessly. “Or do you prefer me to take over?” 

Miles cracked into an evil grin. Without a warning, two digits penetrated him, immediately pushing all the way in. Alex cursed, eyes closed tight at the sensation. He panted heavily as Miles rotated his fingers and curled them in the most incredible way. Miles kept everything painfully slow. “This feels good?” He asked, leaning down to kiss Alex’s shoulder, although Alex would never answer that dumb question. 

He grabbed at the bedsheet, almost screaming when a third finger was pushed inside him as well. In the middle of the day, the room was clear and bright and there was nowhere for him to hide. Miles caressed his face. Where his palmed touched, the skin underneath burned on fire. “Don’t hold back, Al. Wanna hear you.”

Alex was never very vocal during sex. The idea itself was enough to make him all red, even without Miles’ fingers thrusting into him. He was to resist, but the little bastard just knew how to press the right button. Miles twined his hair between his fingers. There was just enough pressure to let Alex know he was doing so, and then he rasped, at the same time hitting Alex’s prostate. _“Please?”_

Alex whimpered, his sight all blurry from the overloading sensation. He pulled Miles down, biting on those thin lips but careful not to make it too harsh. “I want you now.” He managed, sighing gratefully when Miles finally picked up the condom and tore it open. It’s slightly unsettling, not being able to control the pace and not knowing what Miles would do the next second. Yet strangely, Alex didn’t feel vulnerable when Miles nudged his knees wide open. A bit exposed, for sure. But with the way Miles was touching him, _he knew he was cherished._

It was almost too much to take when Miles finally sunk into his body. “Ah-yes, more-” He encouraged, dizzy with pleasure when Miles’ pelvis was pressed against him. “Just move, Miles. I can take it.”

For the first time, Miles ignored his demand. He went on pressing small kisses all over Alex’s face, neck and shoulder, thumbs brushing over his nipples again and again. Alex clenched around his cock uncontrollably when Miles’ tongue slid into his mouth again. Above him Miles shuddered. Slowly, Miles pulled out and snapped his hip forward to buried back into the welcoming heat.  Alex blinked away the tears, whining when Miles began to jerk him in the same torturing pace. 

“Don’t,” Alex gritted his teeth, gulping back the sobs that threated to spill. “Wanna come from just your cock, Miles. Give it to me properly-” 

He couldn’t keep quiet anymore as Miles complies. 

Miles was loud as usual, cursing and moaning and saying sweet nothing. All Alex could think of was the way Miles looked down into his eyes, as if there’s nothing else he’d love to see more-

“Let go, Alex. I’ve got you.” Against his lips Miles begged. “Please. Al. Please. Just let me in-”

Alex came with Miles buried deep inside him, his yelp swallowed down by the younger boy as Miles passionately kissed him. Alex didn’t want him to pull away, didn’t ever want this to stop-

Miles gave a final few shallow thrusts, and then he was taken by pleasure as well, screaming Alex’s name. Alex cupped the back of his head possessively as Miles collapsed onto him. “You’re inside me, Miles. Can’t even dig you out if I try.” He huffed out a tired laugh. “And I tried.”

“Not that easy to get rid of me, unfortunately.” Miles concluded. He was holding Alex in a specific way that indicated _they were back again in the never-ending game_. When whispering in Alex’s ear, he sounded a bit stuffy. “Thank you, _Sir._ ”

Alex just closed his eyes in content, turning to the side and pressed his lips on Miles’ temple. “Told you…anything my boy wants.”

 

+ 

The final show had to have something special. For the last song, Alex came on to stage and performed with the Little Flames, sharing a mic with Eva. Excitement shot through him like a thunder as Miles joined in for backing vocals, and Alex mentally wrote down one more thing that’s saved to discuss later.

They sounded fucking great together. _Why not? Let’s form a band._

Same went for the afterparty. It could be even more special if Alex had drunk less and remembered more. One moment he was talking with Andy and Greg by the table, the next moment he’s on the dance floor, Miles’ arms around his waist and they were giggling and gasping for breath. And at some point, he found himself back in the tiny crowded dressing room in Miles’ embrace. 

“It feels like you’re leaving already.” Alex admitted. Tomorrow afternoon, Miles’ train would leave on time and Alex was again all alone in the city. _Everything seemed unimportant and dull when Miles was gone._

Miles clung to him. He was always like this when boiled with emotions. “I’ll come back for you, babe. Don’t worry.” The joke made either of them laugh. Miles dropped his forehead onto Alex’s shoulder. “I can’t stand another day I’m not with you.”

“You’re with me now, Miles.” Alex patted him on the back. The question just burst out of him like an angry volcano. “Why don’t you stay for a bit longer?”

In his arms Miles shivered. He stepped back, nervously studying Alex’s face to see if he was mistaken. And that’s another one of the trivial things Miles would do, waiting for Alex to make the first move although he had wanted it so bad himself. _He was waiting to make sure Alex was comfortable enough for him to stay._ “I-” Miles paused, looking at Alex tentatively _._ “Yeah, I’d love to.”

The smile Miles flashed at him afterwards was so horribly endearing that Alex wanted to have it embroidered somewhere in his soul. But then when they were kissing, Alex silently laughed at himself for being so dramatic.

_Why bother? It’s probably already in there anyways._

 

_+END+_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I had so much more smut planned but they didn't make it to this story Lmao (maybe I'll write a sequel some day, who know). I was scared to do a D/s theme before...I worried that I might not be able to convey this properly: We all hurt our beloved ones, but that doesn't mean the love isn't honest and real. Whatever people do, they should do it with consent, care and love. That's why the last chap's like this? Hopefully this isn't so boring Lmao
> 
> Thanks for everyone who left me comments and kudos. Any kind of feedbacks are well treasured! >3


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